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BY CHRISTINE KUMAR
UMCONNECTION STAFF

Living in a big house with plenty of money, she seemed to have a good life with few worries. But no one knew that Marsha?s husband was an alcoholic who abused her.

She fought to save her marriage. When that didn?t happen, Marsha started attending a support group for those going through the hurt and pain of divorce.

The group, meeting at Bel Air UMC, changed her life.

Husband and wife Mike and Nancy Savakinas, knew it would. The pair has been managing the support sessions, Rebuilding Singlehood, Tuesday and Thursday evenings at Bel Air UMC for the past 14 years and have watched hundreds of people struggle through the many issues that accompany dissolving a marriage.

The group meets for 12 weeks in the spring and fall to discuss feelings of loss, loneliness, fear, anxiety and abandonment. The sessions are geared to help participants rebuild their lives after a divorce and to transition into singleness. The service is free and childcare is available.

'It started with a sermon,' said the Rev. Peggy Groseclose, one of the pastors at Bel Air UMC.

Groseclose preached about a God of second chances. She was divorced and wanted to comfort those who were in the same situation. The separation/divorce support group began with a handful of people which Groseclose managed at the start.

The Savakinases felt the call to help and lead the support group. Their previous marriages ended in divorce and they did not have a support system. 'Divorce is an extremely lonely time,' said Nancy Savakinas.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, in the United States, 43 percent of first marriages end in separation or divorce within the first 15 years. The support group, which consists of people of all ages, socioeconomic background and faiths, provides a safety net for those who fit this category.

'They look beat up when they first come to the sessions, they don?t smile or look up,' said Mike Savakinas. 'But we let them talk their hearts out and thank them for coming,' added his wife.

The sessions are confidential and focus on a host of topics, from the grief process and anger, to accepting responsibility and the power of words and forgiveness. The final session deals with establishing a new identity once the marriage is dissolved.

Since many are living on a single income, they don?t have the financial means to afford legal services. Wayne Goddard, member of Bel Air and a lawyer, provides free legal advice during the sessions.

Helping women understand their finances is also part of the process, said Mike Savakinas. He created a financial budget sheet for the group, so that they can keep track of expenses.

Savakinas believes in what the group can accomplish and this keeps him dedicated, so dedicated that even after he suffered a stroke five years ago, he only missed one evening session.

The Savakinases have helped more than 250 people. Some of those who attended the sessions reconciled their marriages. One third of them joined the church.

'We have opened our doors to folks to come to church and know that they can be loved,' said the Rev. Barry Hidey, senior pastor of Bel Air.

Marsha, who has been divorced for more than a year now, stated with a confident smile that she feels free and is happier. The abuse she endured for many years has come to an end.

At a recent Tuesday evening session, graduates of the Rebuilding Singlehood class offered support to those who are facing the same hurt that they did.

One who has finished the course, Tony, stood up and offered the 25 attendees advice. 'Keep your faith in God, if God has faith in you. You need to have faith in yourself and you are responsible for your own happiness. You will find happiness again.'