Make your youth group a safe place
Churches can take steps to make the youth program a “safe place” where bullying doesn’t occur and fellowship opportunities are available for young people who feel vulnerable. That might mean hosting “Stop Bullying” days or creating “anti-bullying zones.”
But getting at the root of the problem takes creating a deeper culture of acceptance and respect for all.
Adults in the church should consider how they unintentionally reinforce the caste system that tends to arise among teenagers. Youth leaders should be careful not to play favorites or to tease kids in ways that make them targets.
One former youth minister in a large urban area, who asked that his name not be used, reported being ordered by church leaders to “get the popular kids to youth group” to attract more teens to the program.
That sets the wrong example, says Linda Bales Todd, director of the Louise and Hugh Moore Population Project at the denomination’s General Board of Church and Society. (GBCS provides materials relating to adolescent bullying as part of the Population Project’s focus on domestic violence and the welfare of children.)
“A church should be reaching out to all young people, whether they’re popular or not,” she said. “They need to know it’s a place they can go regardless, where they’re going to be loved.”
Kids who are bullied, particularly older children, often won’t tell their parents or other adults in their lives if they’re being bullied. Youth leaders can watch for signs that a child may be a victim of bullying, such as turning up with torn or damaged clothing, books or other belongings; having few, if any, friends; unexplained cuts or bruises; behavior that suggests sadness, depression or moodiness.
Youth leaders can also be sensitive to watch for kids who are targets for bullies.
“It’s the vulnerable kids that get picked on,” said Dr. Mary Muscari, author of Not My Kid: 21 Steps to Raising a Nonviolent Child. “Bullies are predators. They sense fear. They hone in on those weak kids. Build these kids up. Help them to have more friends and better social skills, so that they aren’t being picked out as targets.”
But getting at the root of the problem takes creating a deeper culture of acceptance and respect for all.
Adults in the church should consider how they unintentionally reinforce the caste system that tends to arise among teenagers. Youth leaders should be careful not to play favorites or to tease kids in ways that make them targets.
One former youth minister in a large urban area, who asked that his name not be used, reported being ordered by church leaders to “get the popular kids to youth group” to attract more teens to the program.
That sets the wrong example, says Linda Bales Todd, director of the Louise and Hugh Moore Population Project at the denomination’s General Board of Church and Society. (GBCS provides materials relating to adolescent bullying as part of the Population Project’s focus on domestic violence and the welfare of children.)
“A church should be reaching out to all young people, whether they’re popular or not,” she said. “They need to know it’s a place they can go regardless, where they’re going to be loved.”
Kids who are bullied, particularly older children, often won’t tell their parents or other adults in their lives if they’re being bullied. Youth leaders can watch for signs that a child may be a victim of bullying, such as turning up with torn or damaged clothing, books or other belongings; having few, if any, friends; unexplained cuts or bruises; behavior that suggests sadness, depression or moodiness.
Youth leaders can also be sensitive to watch for kids who are targets for bullies.
“It’s the vulnerable kids that get picked on,” said Dr. Mary Muscari, author of Not My Kid: 21 Steps to Raising a Nonviolent Child. “Bullies are predators. They sense fear. They hone in on those weak kids. Build these kids up. Help them to have more friends and better social skills, so that they aren’t being picked out as targets.”
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