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BY KEVIN SMALL

The day I told my father
I didn't need this life
was the day I died inside...

I asked for my inheritance
like applying for a Discover Card
But you can never discover
what you aren't willing to uncover
so I exceeded my limit before I
ever stepped out of the house.

Don't get me wrong.
It wasn't long before I was
enjoying life away from
home.
I partied, all day,
all night sometimes,
dancing with the stars
never realizing that
we were creating scars
with each step/ after
all guilty feet has no rhythm
Yes, there was substance abuse
and human misuse, everybody was loose
no boundaries everybody had
passkeys to my pad, to my heart
and to my soul and who I was
had become overcrowded. Money
kept that going for a good while.

Money doesn't buy everything though.
It can buy friends and mercedes benz
but it can buy a cure for hunger
wow I remembered when I was younger
I never had to worry about starving the
way I did when the famine hit.

But, I couldn't worry about that
I had to humble myself
and get what I could
I couldn't believe how fast this
party came
to a screeching halt. It was
all my fault I thought.

I don't know why I had to
get to the worst of myself
to try to find the best of myself
I couldn't even find the rest of myself
until I turned
my face toward
a familiar place...
called home...
I heard that The Devil wears Prada
but what does a Prodigal son wear?
Then it came to me, Baptismal clothes
baptism means you can take
the kid out of the church
but you can't take the church
out of the kid so I put a lid on
these wretched days and slowly
made my way back, under the desert sun
absent of the short lived fun...desperate
for soemone to speak to me,
who would it be?

So, I arrived
and with the substance of things hoped for
and the evidence of things not seen, I was at the scene
staring at that screen door, willing to take the risk of being
rejected, not accepted I suspected he would be mad not glad ...
to my surprise I felt the sunrise on my new life
as he stood there rejoicing I was home...we
wept...I was HIS inheritance and fessed up
that I messed up and only against HIM
and if he'd take me back I would never
give him anymore smack about
rules and conditions...no more negative
transmissions of my ungratefulness
its never too late for this kind of love,
that hopes all things, endures
all things, believes all things

then the real party started
and it didn't stop
my wealth was restored
as was my health.
My rhythm and my dance
were one and it felt so good
to be connected and I wish
I could tell my friends
that this is the real thing
that you don't have to be
infected with all the diseases
that ruled our lives like HIV
but you can be affected
with HIS, HIS love
is enough...but I detected
some tension...

As I came in I hadn't noticed
my brother stepped out...
how sad it is when your
own family can't rejoice
in your re-cov-ery.
Stand by me I wanted to
ask my brother, my older brother
who would not grow up
or show up at my party because
he was jealous and his perspective
needed a corrective, but only
God could supply this directive
and I pray that he will come around.
That's all we can do.

But, as for you
I see you standing at that same screen door
wondering if you should knock or go back for more
I see you traumatized by the hateful look of your
unwelcoming brother
I see you hypnotized by your own self image of failure
but you still have a prayer...
reach for the knob, take the key out
of your pockets and know that the clock ticks but
for how long we don't know...
open the door
let your father's acceptance shower you
let your brother's temperance teach you to say good riddance
let your story be your song praising your savior all the day long...

While you stand there and contemplate this move
the screen door you reach for is already squeaking
with the sound of new life as it opens to you...

go on in...NO EXCUSES...and until we meet again...
Deuces!