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I recently attended 'Hearts on Fire,' the eighth National Reconciling Conference, in Lake Junaluska, N.C. More than 550 United Methodists were there including seven bishops and over 25 lay and clergy from annual conference. More than 40 other bishops not in attendance sent gracious words of hospitality to the gathering.

Having never attended a Reconciling Ministries Conference, I decided to go to find out more about what this ministry means. I experienced spirit-filled worship in a gathering on a lakeshore. I met people from across the connection in a tent meeting for those in the wilderness. And I listened to stories.

One church took 10 years to become a reconciling congregation. Others did it relatively quickly. Some annual conferences have refused to talk about inclusive hospitality while others, like ours, have decided to do so.

The Rev. Beth Stroud, one of the speakers at 'Hearts on Fire,' also wants change. (Most of us know of her because of her widely publicized church trial earlier this year.) On this occasion she did not address the debate on denominational policy.

Rather, she spoke about her need for silence and reflection right now. There has been so much tumult in Beth?s life that she feels depleted in some ways, like Elijah felt when he withdrew to the mountain cave. Right now she needs time to pray, think, and heal; time and space to listen to and build connections with those in the church who may feel very differently than she.

She told an eloquent story of an unexpected contact with a United Methodist layman whose position on homosexuality could not be further from her own. To her surprise, she found herself corresponding with him by e-mail and learning to listen to the feelings of his heart. To her further surprise, she found that he was gradually learning how to listen to hers. This learning was quiet, far away from the heat and light she has known lately. She is not sure where it might lead.

How do those of us who support the reconciling movement learn to build bridges with those with different viewpoints? How do we learn to talk with each other? How do I, as the pastor of a church that is considering becoming a reconciling congregation, lead a conversation where all of my members feel they have a safe place to talk and share?

One of the contacts I made at Lake Junaluska was with a person affiliated with the Institute on Religion and Democracy (IRD). IRD is an organization that was present to monitor and report on 'Hearts on Fire.' To my surprise, here I was talking with this young man. Out of that brief conversation came an agreement to meet for lunch and just talk. Like Beth, I have no idea where this will lead but perhaps it is a step toward mutual understanding.

A reconciling congregation in our conference that is trying to model bridge-building widens their definition of who is welcome. They print this greeting on their Sunday bulletin: 'Welcome! Thank you for sharing in our worship. Our church is a reconciling community affirming the call of the Gospel of Jesus Christ to be in ministry with all people of all races, sexual orientations, ages or physical conditions. We want all people to feel welcome here.'

Some might argue, 'Why do we have to name who is welcome? Everyone ought to know that the doors are open.' Unfortunately, the history of the church is filled with chapters detailing the suppression of different peoples and selective hospitality based on diverse issues of color, gender, economic status, sexual orientation and many others. What is uncertain to me is whether the church will continue to practice exclusion or move toward God?s graciousness in Christ.

As a word of closing, I want to be clear that I look forward to a change in the church. If it ever comes, I hope that it will do so in ways that hold us together. I pray that we do not split as we did in the 1800s over a contentious issue (in that case, slavery), an issue that was eventually repudiated by the whole church but whose residual vestiges remain through racism and oppression.

Can we learn how to talk with each other? I so believe. Though I come from a particular point of view I commit myself to hearing other points of view and other concerns. I promise to work at rising above words and postures that cause hurt and alienation. And in the name of Jesus Christ, I pledge to honor and support our 'sacred community' ? undivided, diverse, opinionated, yet called and named by the One Lord God.