| VIEWPOINTS FROM THE EDITOR 
ERIK ALSGAARD | A porpoise for war, and other oddities Now that the war has begun, its time to take a survey of some of the weird things happening as a result. That is, other than the killings, both of soldiers and innocent civilians. Can someone please explain to me why we have to be surrounded by war coverage in the media 24 hours a day, seven days a week? I tuned my kitchen radio to an all-jazz station the other day, because I just couldnt take another story about Iraq. In the midst of a nice set of music I havent heard Kenny G in quite a while, I guess the taped announcement came on, saying that I could relax listening to their smooth jazz, because if something happened in the war that I needed to know about, theyd break in. How thoughtful. My favorite radio station that doesnt play songs is now doing something that I find incredible. At the end of the weather forecast, they give the temps and conditions for Baghdad. Am I the only one who thinks this is a waste of time? Anyone who would want that information already has it because they a) work for the military; or b) work for the government in some capacity connected to the war. Why dont they give the temperatures and conditions for someplace nice, say, Paris? Oops, I forgot. Its unpatriotic to support anything French or German these days. These countries, after all, didnt support us as we sought to go to war. So instead of French fries, I guess I have to give up Freedom fries for Lent, right? No more French toast or French milled soap either? Wow. A waiter, the other day at lunch, listing the dressings for salads, listed Freedom as one option. Some of the photos you see in this paper will have to be re-tagged with the proper credit: no more Agence France-Presse, eh? Thus, in order to show my true-red/white/blue colors, Ive decided, like many other people, to stop buying certain French and German products. Hit em in the pocketbook, I say; thats where it hurts the most! Therefore: No more Grey Poupon in the Alsgaard house, no sir-ee. None of that French stuff for me! (Erik, Grey Poupon has been made in the United States since 1946 and is owned by Kraft Foods. Frenchs mustard, for the record, is made in America, too. Wise up) Likewise, no more bratwursts, even though, this time of year, there is nothing better on the grill than a bratIm willing to sacrifice! (The regulations governing import of meat and meat products are very strict. The U.S. Customs office notes, You may not bring back fresh, dried, or canned meats or meat products from most foreign countries. Also, you may not bring in food products that have been prepared with meat.) And, I wont drive that VW either. (Never mind that for every unit sold in the U.S., VW sells four elsewhere.) Say goodbye to Yoplait, that wonderful French yogurt. Au revoir, mon ami! (Umm, Erik? I hate to tell you this, but Yoplait is American made by General Mills, Inc. Dannon, on the other hand, is made by the American subsidiary of Groupe Danone of France. Thought youd wanna know.) Well then, no more Nestl chocolate! (Wrong. Swiss.) Then theres this item, passed along by Bishop Donald A. Ott, retired, now living in Wisconsin. Apparently, retailers in the United States have started stocking a new item in their Easter basket aisle: chocolate machine guns, assault rifles, bomber planes and hand grenades. According to an article published by the Village Voice, which the bishop passed along, several major retailers are stocking these items. The article quotes K-Mart spokeswoman Abigail Jacobs as saying that these Easter baskets are a lighthearted and fun gift. So, instead of hunting for Easter eggs this coming Sunday, little Susie and Johnny can hunt for hand grenades and assault rifles? Lastly, did you hear about Tacoma? Not the city, the animal; a dolphin, to be exact. Tacoma went absent without leave the other day, and was gone for 48 hours; feared dead, even. Tacoma works (for fish, not dollars) in the U.S. Navy, and was one of those talented dolphins hunting for mines in the Iraqi port of Umm Qasr, clearing the way for humanitarian aid. As of April 3, it is reported that dolphins have helped clear over 200 mines, without one casualty to animal or human. Now comes the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, PETA. They say that using animals to detect weapons and rescue troops is cruel and may cost lives rather than saving them. I dont knowwhich would you rather have diving and searching for an underwater harbor mine? Your son/daughter, or Flipper? Frankly, Id rather have neither. |
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