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by Erik Alsgaard

So 2005 is upon us, and that means there's a wait, again, for the recumbent bikes at my local YMCA. Last night, for example, I had to wait 30 minutes just to exercise.

The good news is that, by this time next month, the wait and the people will be gone. Those people who made a new year's resolution to exercise more will have conked out, returned to their couch- potato ways, and left the calorie-burning, sweat-inducing, heart-pumping machines to the pros.

Like me.

I didn't make any new resolutions this year. I never seem to be able to keep them longer than a week or two anyway, so what's the use?

Besides, this being the start of a new quadrennium (that's four renniums for those of you asking at home) in The United Methodist Church, that means there is not a shortage of resolutions. In fact, you could say we have more than enough.

The 2004 Book of Resolutions thumped loudly on my desk the other day. Fresh from the United Methodist Publishing House in Nashville, Tenn., this book seems to stretch the very bounds of what it means to be a single volume book. It grows larger with each edition.

This year's version is no exception.

The 2004 Book of Resolutions is 976 pages long, counting the six blank pages at the end. By comparison, the 2000 Book of Resolutions was a 'mere' 864 pages long, counting one blank page at the end. This is, according to my calculations, a 12.962962962962 (you get the idea) percent increase in page numbers from one edition to the next.

A few years ago, General Conference (the group that adopts all these resolutions) set a time limit, an expiration date as it were, on resolutions. Unless they were updated and adopted at General Conference they would automatically expire in eight years. The goal for doing this was to reduce the number of resolutions and shrink the size of the book.

Back to the drawing board.

The 2004 Book contains 368 resolutions, an 8.8 percent increase over the 2000 Book that contains 338.

And it appears the Book of Resolutions also needs more shelf space to hold it. The 2000 version is about 1.65 inches wide. The 2004 version, you ask? More than a 42 percent increase, coming in at about 2.35 inches wide.

But there is good news. The books actually weigh about the same. Somehow, the Publishing House found thinner paper for the 2004 book is my guess. The 2000 edition, weighed on the postal scale just down the hall, came in at 2 pounds, 8.4 ounces. The 2004 edition which, remember, features 112 additional pages, weighed slightly less, at 2 pounds, 7.7 ounces. (I weighed them twice. I couldn't believe my eyes.)

And what do we get for our 976-page, 368-resolution, 2.35- inches-wide brick? According to the 'User's Gbwc_superusere,' the Book of Resolutions are 'Official policy statements for gbwc_superusering all the work and ministry of The United Methodist Church on approximately 200 subjects; educational resources ? on many of the important issues affecting the lives of people; gbwc_superuseres and models for helping United Methodist members and groups relate a lively biblical faith to action in daily life; (and) resource materials for persons preparing public statements about United Methodist concerns on current social issues.'

The Book of Resolutions does not carry the weight of church law. This is a good thing, because if the Book of Resolutions were church law, we'd have fewer United Methodists running around.

See, you don't have to agree with the Book of Resolutions or the Social Principles to be a United Methodist. Heck, President George W. Bush doesn't agree with his church's statement, 'War is incompatible with the teachings and example of Christ,' (p. 65) and he's still a United Methodist.

And come to think of it, there are a couple of phrases I don't agree with and I'm still a United Methodist.

Ain't life grand?

The Social Principles section of the Book of Resolutions says that United Methodists should abstain from gambling and drinking alcohol (either separately or together, one supposes), that we support laws in civil society that define marriage as the union of one man and one woman, that homosexual persons no less than heterosexual persons are individuals of sacred worth, and that we don't support the death penalty (capital punishment). Two things and only two things are declared to be 'incompatible' with Christian teaching: war (see above) and homosexuality (p. 43).

The Book of Resolutions deals with everything from those topics already mentioned to 'Juvenile Delinquency and Prevention' (#254), 'Urge State Legislatures to Allow Candidates Without Large Bank Accounts to Appear on Ballots' (#279), 'Empowering and Equipping Young Indochinese Americans for the Future' (#321), 'Homelessness in the United States' (#116), and 'By Water and the Spirit: A United Methodist Understanding of Baptism' (#343).

If you haven't read the 2004 Book of Resolutions, I suggest you do. Many people declare it is one of the best-kept secrets in the church. Many people have no clue what it's all about. Many people can't lift it off the shelf.

Maybe what we need is another resolution to exercise more.